If I were Lenin...

Friday was a big day for Lenin (in Jenny world. Zombie Lenin probably had better things to do). We went on a lovely little lengthy excursion to Lenin's house outside of Moscow. It was an amazing relief to leave the city for a bit and to see the Russian countryside. The bus ride from one of the ends of the metro lines (green. but no one really cares about those details) only took us about 20 minutes out of the city. The great thing about Moscow is that it was basically plopped down in the middle of a lot of foresty treesey fun, so it's easy to escape the ur-banality of life. I completely understand why almost all Russians have country homes.

Today, fearless readers, you get a treat! PICTURES! I shall apologize in advance for my mediocre (crappy) photography skills. I've got better things to do than learn an artform/have a decent camera. I go on the internet! The bus drops us off at a quaint bus stop. Ohhhhh Eastern Europe. Notice the photographer's artistic choice to take the picture at a slight angle, in order to symbolize the crooked nature of Russian society and their attempts to reform. It also hints at man's own mortality because no matter how hard you try to sit on those bricks, you still slowly slip down the bench of life and end up at your final destination. I swear it means that...just buy it!

So after the bus drops us off in the middle of nowhere, we trek through a classic scenery of abandoned eastern european buildings and cars being consumed by nature. The cute little homeless beasts were skittering about, interested in the foreign creatures who were prancing all over their romping grounds. After a 10 minute walk, a looming building sprouts from behind the trees. Out of nowhere BOOM! A big ol' shrine (museum) to our comeradeasino.

However, this turned out to be the end of our journey, and not the beginning. Instead we walk down a cute country path to his not-Moscow home. On that path we met an adorable kiddy-dog and some real-life adorable Russian kiddies. It took all of my self-control (and firm grips of the other excursees) not to tackle the kiddies, kidnap, and raise them as my own shmadorablies.

So if I were Lenin...this would be my house. A quaint cottage, really nothing fancy. I really want to live the life of my prole comrades, so I can commiserate and understand them

If I were Lenin...this would be my quaint view when I rise in the morning. Oh look, I can wave to my neighbor! Howdy neighbor! (Lenin looks like Mr. Rodgers in my mind here).

If I were Lenin...this is what I would make visitors to my home wear to see my house-museum. I like it when my guests look like duck-platypus-dorks. They're the latest rage in oppressed-citizen fashion.

If I were Lenin...this is where my guests would stay, so they don't forget their own impending doom. Mortality should never be forgotten. That is one fierce wolf. And in the winter you can curl under it and play the popular Soviet game "Stay warm while pretending to be a scary wolf-person". Another thing that's all the rage in the oppressed-citizen circles.

If I were Lenin...this is where I would have a nice little snack. Perhaps it'd be a nice loaf of stale bread. Or perhaps a 5-course pheasant feast. Who knows. Since I'm a fan of a working lunch, I'd make sure to bring along some maps and evil plots to take over the world. Or write a curt letter to my main squeeze, the Sta-sta man. That would be my pet name for him.

If I were Lenin...this is where I'd keep my main world-domination plots. Hanging on the wall. This map would be my favorite, because I can plot and plot and plot about how to vanquish those silly silly German-folk. What a thorn in my side they are. (The map says it's a "Political Map of Germany")

If I were Lenin...this is where I would creepily put my death mask and death...gloves? for all to see. Probably for when I arise as a zombie and I need some cool stone hands because mine have rotted away. True story! Well...only probably zombie...but the rotting hands are completely true.

If I were Lenin...this would be my favorite book. I'd highlight all over it and draw little hearts on my favorite pages.

If I were Lenin...this is where I'd put all my fun artifacts and early USSR documents. But the most important part would be the ginormous statue of me hanging out in a chair. "Proletariats sit in chairs right? They've gotta have a chair!", I would think.